


Yes, To All Of It

by ReneeLovesReylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: About halfway slow burn, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben is a giver, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), I promise there will be smut, Multiple chapters of pure smut, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Space Virgins, The Force Ships It, Then hot burn, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey, but with feels, so much feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-26 09:44:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17139479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReneeLovesReylo/pseuds/ReneeLovesReylo
Summary: After Crait, Rey and Kylo each struggle to forget the love they let slip through their fingers. Their Force Bond has other plans.- - -She reached down to whip his shirt over his head then scrambled to unfasten his pants. “I’m ready. I want you inside me.”He nodded eagerly, his shaking hands taking over to make quick work of removing his pants and undergarment, revealing his cock, huge, hard and ready to claim her.Rey reared back on the bed, propped up on her elbows, a nervous gulp squeezing her throat. “Maker, that’s bigger than those are supposed to be, isn’t it?! I mean, there’s no way that will fit inside me.”Ben smirked. “It’s supposed to be like this, Rey. I mean,” he shrugged, “mine is bigger than most, but it’s not weird or anything. There’s nothing wrong with it.”She crinkled her eyebrows, looking up at him skeptically. “Are you sure about that?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elywyngirlie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elywyngirlie/gifts).



> This is a gift based on Elywyngirlie's prompt: "Rey and Kylo, Force bond, they are both practicing fighting techniques. And, of course, he offers to mentor her". It started with that scene, then I ended up writing what came before and what came after it. I hope you like it!

Sitting in the mess hall, Rey forced herself to eat everything on her plate. She wasn’t particularly hungry, but wasting food was unthinkable for a girl raised at the edge of starvation. Everyone complained about the taste and monotony of their meal rations, except for Rey, who had never tasted anything so delicious.

Rey was less than half-listening to Poe recount some funny adventure to the delight of Finn and Rose. She laughed when they did, acted like she cared about what any of them said, but it was all a lie.

For the hundredth time that day, Rey’s thoughts drifted to the one person in the galaxy she needed to forget. Rey once thought Ben was being a coward for hiding behind a mask, but at least he did it out in the open, his mask there for all to see. Rey was a far bigger coward. 

Every day she walked around the base with a seemingly confident stride. She sat with an attentive expression during the group meetings that were more about maintaining moral than presenting any information. She even smiled and laughed on cue with her new friends when Finn made a joke and Rose snorted adorably. Rey did it all without ever removing her invisible mask.

How could she let them see the truth? They all looked at her with a hope and admiration born of their desperate need to continue to believe in the fight after such terrible losses. Their numbers were pitiful. How could this handful of people, less than forty, stand up to the might of the First Order? It was both laughable and heartbreaking. With their odds so obviously dismal, the weight of their impossible hope fell on her.

Rey understood hope. She had lived on hope her entire life. She had been full of hope on her mission to find Luke Skywalker and bring him back to the Resistance. She was bursting with hope when she delivered herself to the First Order, so certain Ben would choose her. But she'd been wrong. Ben didn’t choose her. And Crait was a disaster that decimated almost the entire Resistance. Luke was dead, exhausting his life force to aid in the escape of the mere handful Rey was able to rescue.

Now Rey was left to carry the burden of continuing a legacy without a teacher, without sufficient training and without anything more than a basic conception of the Force. The ancient books Rey took from that creepy old tree were written in languages Rey didn’t understand, tormenting her with all that wisdom just out of reach. She didn’t even have a lightsaber anymore.

While the Resistance fighters looked at Rey with a desperate hope, calling her the Last Jedi, Rey knew that she was an imposter, a child in adult clothes that would never fit. Rey knew so little about the Force and next to nothing about the Jedi. Luke barely had a chance to give her some basic instruction before she rushed off world, foolishly confident she would bring Ben back with her.

No one knew about her Force Bond with Ben. She didn’t tell any of them about her trip to the Supremacy and fighting back to back with the infamous Kylo Ren after he killed his master. No one knew about her failure. And the biggest secret of all, the truth that filled her with a piercing shame, was her traitorous heart that still clung to Ben, even now, despite everything.

Rey forced herself every day to walk around the base as if her heart wasn’t decimated, as if her hope wasn’t torn to shreds and her spirit remained unbroken by his choice.

The hope the Resistance held for her had nothing on the hope she’d had for Ben. She’d been so pathetically naïve to think she could simply show up and he’d leave everything he knew for her, as if she was enough to save him. As much as it stung, Ben was right, Rey was nobody. Yet the Resistance rested the fate of the galaxy now on her inadequate shoulders.

Surrounded by people, Rey had never felt more alone. After a life of solitude on Jakku, it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. When Ben told her she wasn’t alone anymore, Rey believed him. He made her feel seen and understood in a way no one ever had, and she knew no one in the Resistance, or anywhere else, ever could.

Now that she’d risked everything only to lose him, Rey felt like half her heart was missing. Ben tore it from her chest with his words in the throne room, offering her his hand with a “please” on his lips. Rey had to run from him, the wound still raw and bleeding.

Rey wished she could confess her fears and hurt to her friends, but they’d never understand. They all needed her to be strong and unbroken, the beacon of hope that Luke was supposed to be . . . the Last Jedi. Instead, she was a shell, a pretty lie that kept her walking and talking even as she bled.

The only one who seemed to see through her mask was General Leia, though she never said a word. Perhaps it was because Leia, as she’d insisted Rey call her, carried a similar weight from the hope of the small remnants of the Resistance.

Rey could feel Leia’s strength in the Force, subtle but always present. Rey felt a nudge in her head sometimes, a subtle push into her thoughts when Leia looked at her across the campfire during one of their meetings. Rey quickly pulled up her mental barriers, but never knew if it was too late.

Could Leia see Rey’s fears? Did she know how lost Rey felt? Did she see how unprepared and inadequate Rey was in the face of everyone’s expectations? Could she see the open wound of Rey’s torn, ragged heart? Did she know that Rey lost Ben?

There were times Rey wanted to tell her everything. She stood outside the shut door of Leia’s chambers so many times she lost count, torn between the need to confess and fear of the consequences.

Finally, one night Leia made the choice for her. The door opened, warm light and a concerned face replacing the safety and uncertainty of the closed door. “Come in, Rey.” Leia turned away and took a seat at the small table at one side of the room, sliding the other chair toward Rey with one foot.

Crossing the threshold, Rey had no choice but to obey the unspoken command. Or was it just an invitation? She supposed it didn’t matter.

Her eyes held wisdom and sorrow, years of loss written heavy on her face. She looked like a faded beauty, tired and strong, but weighted down, shoulders hunched from the responsibility she carried.

For a minute Leia simply looked at her, waiting patiently for Rey to begin sharing her troubled thoughts. When Rey stayed silent, Leia sighed, looking weary but kind.

“I know what it feels like, Rey, that burden of being the hope people cling to, even when you feel incapable of living up to it.” Leia’s kindness and understanding was a balm to her wounded heart, unlocking the truth Rey worked so hard to hide.

Rey broke open, her raw feelings finally bursting out of her into words. “They all expect me to be a Jedi, but I barely know anything about the Force. I was only with Luke for a few weeks before I ran off. He only taught me a couple lessons, mostly he avoided me. I have the books, but I can’t read them. And Ben and I broke the lightsaber, so I don’t even have that! How could I be the Jedi warrior the Resistance needs?” Rey rubbed the building tears from her eyes, sniffling and on the precipice of letting herself sob out right.

Then Rey noticed Leia’s back stiffen, and her mistake clicked into place.

“You . . . were with Ben? With . . . with Kylo Ren?”

Rey met her narrowed eyes with wide, guilty ones. She gulped, unable to deny what she’d let slip. “Yes.”

Leia’s jaw clenched, her lips pressed tight together. “When?”

“Before I came to Crait,” Rey confessed, feeling like a child who’d misbehaved. “I was there when he killed the Supreme Leader.”

Leia seemed to strive to maintain a calm demeanor, despite the stricken look in her eyes. “Rey, you need to tell me everything. Why were you on the Supremecy?”

“Because I thought . . . I thought I was enough to turn him to the Light. I thought he’d leave with me, but I was wrong. He chose to stay.” Rey’s bottom lip trembled, tears running down her cheeks, flushed red with her shame.

“What made you think he’d leave with you?”

Rey squirmed under the General’s scrutiny. “We have a bond, through the Force, that opens up on its own. We can see and talk to each other, touch each other, but not anything that surrounds us. It’s only happened a few times, but . . . we talked. He’s not the monster I thought he was.”

Leia brought her trembling hands together on the table, placing them one atop the other. “There is still light in him.”

“Yes, there is.”

Leia didn’t speak for a minute. The General simply stared at her hands, taking deep, measured breaths. Rey wanted to comfort her, but didn’t know how. What could she say?

“Do you want to know why he joined Snoke?” Rey offered, her voice small and uncertain if the knowledge would give Leia relief or only deepen her pain.

Leia nodded, “Please.”

“On the night Ben left, he woke up in his hut to see Luke standing over him with his lightsaber held up . . . about to kill Ben in his sleep.”

Leia’s chair squeaked on the floor. She stood, shaking her head, Leia’s hands gripping the arms of her chair so hard her knuckles went white. “Was he . . . did you believe him?”

“Yes. I confronted Luke about it and he confessed that it was true. He was about to kill Ben because of the darkness he felt growing in him. At the last moment Luke realized he couldn’t do it, but it was too late.”

Leia’s hands slammed down on the table. “Damn it, Luke, how could you?!” She looked at Rey, trembling with emotion.

“The darkness Luke felt . . . it was all because of Snoke. He’d been whispering his poison into Ben’s head for years, even as a young child, slowly breaking him down, making Ben believe he was unloved and unwanted. Snoke made him feel abandoned when you sent him to train with Luke. Ben tried to fight against the darkness Snoke fed him, but when he saw Luke about to strike him down in his sleep, it validated everything Snoke had said.”

Leia’s hand came up to cover her mouth as her breath hitched, tears flowing down her cheeks. She shook her head back and forth, not wanting to believe it. “My poor baby . . . all this time I thought . . .”

Rey cringed, hating making Leia cry. This was clearly a mistake. She shouldn’t have told Leia any of this. Rey watched warily as Leia paced back and forth, fighting tears, processing the information. 

After a couple minutes, Leia returned to her chair. She wiped the tears from her eyes and collected herself enough to ask, like a General instead of a heartbroken mother, “So, on the day of the battle on Crait, you flew on your own to Ben’s ship and asked him to leave with you?”

Rey nodded, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. “I surrendered myself. Ben brought me to Snoke. When Snoke ordered Ben to kill me, he killed Snoke instead. Then we fought off the guards together, back to back. I thought he’d call off the attack on Crait, but he wouldn’t.”

She sniffled, wiping her hand under her nose to catch the snot before it dripped. Leia handed her a small cloth, which Rey gratefully used then clutched and twisted in her hands as she continued.

“He begged me to stay, to let the past die and rule the galaxy with him, but I never wanted the galaxy! I only wanted Ben. He wanted me too, but I wasn’t enough for him to turn. He chose power. He chose the First Order. I tried to summon the lightsaber to take with me but he fought it. It broke in the air between us. I woke up first and I just left him there on the floor, still unconscious.” Rey swallowed, her throat dry, confessing the worst of it. “I didn’t even say goodbye.”

Rey couldn’t admit to Leia just how close she came to taking his hand, despite everything. She would never admit that there were times Rey regretted her choice and wished she could do the whole thing over again, that she could go back in time and take his hand.

The Jedi they all wanted her to be wouldn’t be so tempted to join Ben. And a Jedi certainly would never fantasize repeatedly about stealing their worst ship and running until Ben could catch her _._

“You loved him.” Leia’s eyes held hers, the strength of will Leia showed impressing her as it always did.

Rey nodded. “Yes.”

“You still do.”

It took Rey a beat before she could admit, her voice resigned, “Yes.”

“And Ben loves you.”

Rey shook her head, her torn heart spilling blood into a pool on the floor deep enough for her to drown in. “Not enough.”

Leia let her leave after a hug that almost lasted too long but was the most comforting thing she’d ever experienced. Leia hugged her like Rey imagined a mother would, if she’d had one that gave a shit about her.

Heading back to her quarters, for the first time since leaving Ben in Snoke’s throne room, Rey felt a little less miserable.


	2. Chapter 2

Sitting on Snoke’s throne, flanked by the newly appointed Praetorian Guard, each standing like a statue with a fresh red uniform, Kylo Ren was miserable.

As the new Supreme Leader of the First Order, answerable to no one for the first time in his life, Kylo should feel victorious, flush with power and eager to send his inferiors off to do his bidding. Only, now that he could, Kylo didn’t know what to order everyone to do. He barely cared. He just felt . . . empty.

Kylo spent a decade prostrate at the feet of a master who controlled every aspect of his life, even invading his mind and manipulating it to serve his will. With his mind suddenly free of Snoke’s familiar presence, Kylo had no one to guide him or give him purpose. He found it unsettling as it opened his eyes to how little control he had over his life while under Snoke’s thumb.

He’d come to Snoke as an angry, frightened boy and now, as a grown man, alone with his own thoughts, Kylo felt like a child sitting on someone else’s throne.

It was surreal to watch General Hux kneeling before him. Knowing how much it pained Hux to have to do so was at least a bit satisfying, though Kylo had no doubt Hux was plotting against him. He should probably kill Hux now and root out his conspirators before they move to assassinate him. Kylo would get around to it eventually.

For the time being, Kylo’s thoughts drifted to Rey. He fought to push them away, but failed miserably. She’d already been on his mind a hundred times since morning. She tortured him endlessly with her hopeful hazel eyes and stubborn chin, looking at him and expecting him to be a better man.

He was far too broken to be the hero Rey wanted. Kylo had personally killed or ordered the deaths of thousands in service to his master, each death an attempt to drive himself further into darkness.

Embracing the Dark Side was a constant struggle for Kylo. It always had been, right from the beginning when he fled Luke’s academy. Snoke promised that destroying the temple and killing all who refused to join him would push Kylo over the edge and into the Dark Side, where he would feel no guilt and finally find peace.

Those first deaths were excruciating. He had to fight tears as he struck down the young Jedis in training, mere children slaughtered at his shaking hand. At one point Kylo had to sneak off to a different room to throw up, the screams and scent of burning flesh stealing his stomach and exposing his weakness. Kylo failed to hide it from Snoke.

While he expected his first days with Snoke to be filled with training in using the Dark Side of the Force, they were instead filled with excruciating pain as Snoke broke him with torture. Snoke told Kylo it was for his own good, that pain was the only way to destroy the weakness in him that remained drawn to the Light Side.

To his shame and frequent agony, it never worked, nothing did, not completely. He was supposed to be heir to his grandfather’s great legacy but Kylo couldn’t even kill without feeling a humiliating stab of guilt. Killing his father was supposed to end Kylo’s suffering, but even that failed to conquer his weakness.

When the Force Bond with Rey opened for the first time since Crait, all they did was look at each other for a painful never ending moment. Then Rey turned away and proceeded to ignore him until the Bond closed. It was devastating. Even as it tore him apart, Kylo was thankful that the Bond was still active. An occasional glimpse of her was better than never seeing her again.

For several days after killing Snoke and losing Rey, Kylo burned with an unmatched anger. He nearly vibrated from it, felt it pulsing through his body in endless waves, fueled by a pain so great he could not bare to face it.

Though his temper was legendary, Kylo had never been so viciously angry for an extended period of time. He scorched every wall of his massive new living chamber with his saber into a mess of lines no more than a couple inches apart. He’d cut through several room’s worth of furniture and scared countless First Order officers and Stormtroopers by stalking through the corridors, rage simmering from his being so strongly even non-Force sensitives could feel it.

Kylo welcomed the rage. He needed its fire to give him strength when he’d never felt more vulnerable. Like a fool, Kylo offered Rey his heart, believing she’d stand with him like he’d seen in the vision. Instead, Rey tore it to pieces and left it scattered around the throne room amidst the bodies of the guards they killed.

He could never forget the transcendent moment when they moved with a single purpose, fighting back to back like they’d been born for it. Kylo felt the Force flow through them both, back and forth, in perfect balance, the harmony so exquisite and unfamiliar Kylo knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Force created them for each other.

For all his life, the Force was a raging beast inside him that Kylo worked diligently to keep tame. Fighting beside Rey made it purr like a kitten saved from a terrible storm, finally content and safe at home. Just minutes later, that new feeling of home was destroyed. Rey killed it, crumpling home into dust under her feet.

As the days passed by, the rage dimmed, allowing him to finally think clearly about what had happened. Then, the truth hit him and he was desolate. Tears falling and pathetic sobs escaping when he thought of what could have been, of what he lost.

If only he’d called off the attack, she would have stayed. They’d be together, forever. But no, he had to try to get her to let go of the Resistance, as if it gave her pain as it did him, thinking it would make her feel free to start their new life together without war holding them back. It was a crucial miscalculation.

Rey had friends for the first time in her life and he was arguing that they should let them die. He was a fool, but it was too late. The die had been cast. He couldn’t take back his stupid speech that just made her want to run from him. He’d never get the chance to have her, ever again.

“We have probes combing every corner of the galaxy. It’s only a matter of time before their hiding place is revealed.” Hux’s impassioned voice broke Kylo from his thoughts. He spoke like he always did, as if giving a speech to an adoring crowd. Kylo found it mildly amusing. It might even be endearing if Hux wasn’t such an insufferable prick. “We will execute the little Jedi cunt and destroy their pathetic Resistance once and for all.”

Hux was grasping at his throat, eyes bulging and face turning red before Kylo even realized what he was doing. He released the choking pressure, allowing Hux to fall to his knees, gasping for breath. While he’d choked several First Order officers in his first days as Supreme Leader, he was careful not to actually kill them. Kylo tried to control his temper in public, but he’d been a raging mess at the time.

“What was that for, _Supreme Leader_?” Hux asked, voice strained and seething.

Kylo could think of no reasonable answer. He shouldn’t have been angered by the weaselly General referring to Rey in such a lewd and disrespectful manner. Kylo suspected Hux did it on purpose to get a rise out of him and publicly expose his weakness for her.

“Your thoughts betray you, Armitage,” he goaded, pretending he could read his thoughts from twenty feet away. “Do try to control your temper.” The throbbing vein on Hux’s flushed forehead and the panic in his eyes was enough to make Kylo smile. “Dismissed.”


	3. Chapter 3

Rey took advantage of a rare dry afternoon on a planet that rained constantly and headed out after lunch. Finding a sunlit clearing in the forest, far enough away from the base to feel that subtle weight of being observed break away, Rey held her makeshift saber and tried to practice one of the more complicated maneuvers she’d seen from Ben. 

As if drawn by her thoughts, the Bond opened while she twirled her saber over her head. 

Ben’s first words since Snoke’s throne room seemed designed to provoke her. “You’re doing that wrong.”

“No,” she replied, bluffing confidence. “I’m not.” Rey wouldn’t admit that he was likely correct. It’s not like she had any actual training in using a lightsaber. She always just did what felt right.

“At your height, you should start that sequence with your hips angled 20 degrees further to the left, and your elbow should be at shoulder level. That will give you better momentum for the downward swing.” 

Rey growled, infuriated. Moments of strained silence passed. She wanted to scream at him, swear at him like a filthy spice trader. Instead, she grudgingly altered her stance, if only to break the awkwardness. “Like this?” 

She tried the move again, finding that he was right. “Oh.” The swing felt much better with those changes. It was infuriating!

“Yes,” he practically purred, “that’s much better.”

She hated his stupid deep voice that made her body melt. Why did he have to sound like that on top of everything else?!

“Thanks,” she huffed, irritated by his help. “If you’re about to say I need a teacher, save your breath.”

“I am well aware of your decision,” he seethed. “Don’t worry, _sweetheart_. I won’t ask you to be with me again.”

She took a deep breath, letting it out in a long sigh. If only it were that simple. “Being with you was not what I was saying no to, Ben.”

He snorted, derision attempting, unsuccessfully, to cover over his pain. “I offered you the galaxy and you ran from me! You left me laying there, unconscious and helpless. You didn’t even say good-bye! Did you honestly think I would have forced you to stay? After I offered you everything?!”

The tears streaming down his flushed cheeks were daggers in her traitorous heart. Rey struggled to find the right words to respond, but how could she explain herself? Leaving him unconscious was despicable and cowardly.

“I’m so sorry,” Rey confessed, her voice barely more than a whisper, blinking tears from her eyes. “I was afraid I wouldn’t be strong enough to make myself leave if you woke up.”

The Bond closed before he had a chance to respond.

\- - -  


Kylo trembled as the connection closed, leaving him alone in his room on the other side of the galaxy. Humiliation from the tears he failed to hold back battled the warmth growing from seeing that she struggled with her choice. 

It wasn’t as black and white as he’d been telling himself. She’d been so close to taking his hand that she had to run away, scared she’d take it if he woke and asked again. This revelation changed everything.

\- - -  


The next time their Bond opened, Kylo was in the ship’s salon to get his hair trimmed. He was laying back in the inclined chair with his hair wet in the washing basin.

“What the Maker are you doing?”

“Rey!” he blurted, eyes wide in shock. “Wait outside the door,” he told the hair dresser droid, shooing it away with his hand.

Flushed from embarrassment at being caught in an act of vanity, Kylo took a deep breath before forcing himself to answer. “What does it look like?! I am getting a haircut.”

Rey’s brows scrunched up, her face looking genuinely confused, “Then why are you laying there with your head in a sink?”

She was making fun of him. It was better than silence, he supposed. Ben rolled his eyes, “That’s part of the process. Haven’t you ever gotten a haircut before?”

Rey shrugged, “I’ve cut my hair before when it got too long. I just used a knife.”

Understanding dawned on him. “Oh . . . sorry.” His little scavenger grew up starving on the sands of Jakku; of course, she never visited a hair salon. “I forgot about your . . . upbringing.”

Rey squared her shoulders and narrowed her eyes on him. “What does that have to do with anything?” Kylo sighed, awe-struck once again by her strength and resiliency.

He tried to put it in a way that wouldn’t hurt her pride. “Well, in many places in the galaxy, people go to professionals or service droids that wash then cut their hair.”

She snorted, rolling her eyes. “That’s stupid.”

“It is convenient. And easier than cutting your hair yourself.”

“I guess . . . Why are you cutting your hair though? It looks good like it is.”

He let her words sink into him, the implication that she appreciated an aspect of his appearance making his heart race. “You like my hair?”

“What? No! It’s just, you don’t need to cut it short, that’s all. Never mind, cut it however you want. I don’t care.” Rey looked away, squatting down toward her left, a wrench appearing in her hand as she went back to whatever mechanical repair work she had in front of her.

An unfamiliar sort of confidence surged inside him. Kylo couldn’t remember ever receiving a compliment regarding his appearance, though there may have been a few when he was a toddler he supposed, before his nose and ears grew to their current disproportionate size.

“I’m only having them trim the ends a bit, less than an inch,” he assured Rey, her backhanded compliment making him bold. A playful urge made him raise an eyebrow, “You’ll still be able to run your fingers through it when it pleases you.”

“When it . . . Aaargh, you kriffin’ nerfherder! I’m not joining your evil army, Supreme Leader _Kylo Ren_.” She spat out his chosen name like a curse, leaving a bad taste to the whole interaction when the Bond closed right after.


	4. Chapter 4

The next time the Bond opened, she was in bed, hand under her leggings, rubbing herself through the wet fabric of her panties. Rey’s thoughts going straight to the one person she shouldn’t be thinking about. For weeks now, every time she touched herself like this she would try to think about someone else, someone like Poe, who was handsome and good natured and, most importantly, on the right side of the war.

She really tried to imagine it was Poe touching her, or even a stranger she couldn’t quite visualize, but inevitably, when she wanted to push herself over the edge, it was Ben’s face she saw, Ben’s strong, tall body holding her down, Ben’s dark eyes fixed possessively on her own.

Surrendering to her need to imagine Ben, Rey closed her eyes, so close to coming undone, and whimpered, his name a needy whisper on her lips when her lust suddenly spiked, doubled, tripled, so intense it didn’t seem possible.

That’s when she heard his groan rumbling through her. Eyes wide open on a gasp, her hand frozen in place on her sensitive clit, Rey met Ben’s equally shocked face.

He was in the bed with her, but the bed had grown wider, the sheets on his side a shiny black. Her gaze fell to the large tented shape poking the sheet from his hips, noticed his left arm positioned under the sheet toward it, the thick muscles of his arm tensed.

He was breathing heavily, his broad pale chest shiny with sweat. Strands of wet black hair lay clumped against his forehead. He looked like a wild creature mid hunt, no more like mid feast. His jaw clenched tight, nostrils flaring, dark eyes focused on where her hand rested inside her pants.

Rey felt the pounding of her racing heart and the need pulsing in her cunt, her body aching for her to finish.

“Don’t stop,” he growled, his voice raspy and low, sending a flare of pleasure and a gush of wetness further soaking her panties.

His eyes flickered away from her trembling hand still covered by the thin material of her leggings up to her face, pinning her with their hunger and intensity. A whimper escaped her throat before she could stop herself. For a moment that stretched out painfully, they were both frozen in place in their strange stalemate.

Rey fought against the urge to do what he asked. She was on the precipice of orgasm when the Force Bond opened. It would take less than a minute to reach completion. The thought of doing so while he watched was so sinfully arousing it was overcoming the sane, rational part of her that told her this was a horrible idea.

“Please,” he added softly, sending her back to that day on the Supremecy. The day they let each other down, despite everything they felt for each other.

Rey wanted to do it, but found herself too nervous to start back up again. He seemed to realize that and she watched, transfixed, at the shape of his hand under the sheet slowly moving along his cock.

She started moving her fingers, moaning at the feel of them giving her body what it so desperately wanted.

His face was alight in what she could only describe as a thrilled hunger that shouldn’t turn her on as much as it did.

Her eyes flickered between that compelling, enthralled expression on his face and the fascinating movements beneath his sheet.

Already so close to the edge when this started, Rey was on the precipice when Ben’s eyes pinned hers. “You’re about to come, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” she answered on a breath.

“Keep your eyes on mine when it happens.”

Rey nodded, forcing her eyes to stay open as pleasure exploded inside her.

Ben watched, eyes riveted, as she trembled and jerked through her orgasm. 

She’d made herself come countless times before, but sharing the experience made it completely new. With an audience, she kept moving her fingers when she’d usually stop, extending the pleasure almost past baring. The hunger on his face was thrilling. When she finally let her hand still, Rey fell back onto the bed in a sated haze.

“Give me your hand,” he choked out, his arm working himself at a feverish pace. “Let me taste you.”

Rey swallowed, shocked first by his request and then by her warm reaction to it.

He watched her hand slip out of her pants and reach toward him, shaking in the air for a moment before he gripped it in his unoccupied hand and brought her fingers to his mouth. Sliding them inside, Ben groaned. His eyes rolled back then closed, the hand under his sheet moving even faster, the slapping sound of it hitting the base of his cock with each rough stroke loud and strangely arousing.

Rey didn’t think she would ever see anything sexier than the moment Ben came with her fingers in his mouth. The groan that was only slightly muffled by his mouth sucking on her fingers and the way his eyes focused on hers with a possessiveness that demanded she not look away would be forever scalded into her memory.

He was still trembling from aftershocks of his release, his eyes wide with awe when the Bond closed.   


\--

The taste! Maker, he would never forget the taste of her wetness. He needed to taste it again more than he needed food or air. He needed to touch her, taste her, kiss her, make love to her. He needed all of it. Before, when he was certain she was beyond his reach, Kylo tried to accept that all he would ever have of Rey was fantasies he could never live out.

Then Kylo heard his name from her lips while her hand moved under her pants and everything changed. True hope grew inside him like a rabid beast, threatening to consume all his pride and anger. She wanted him too! He had to find a way to be with her. Now that he’d seen her in the throes of ecstasy with her eyes on him, Kylo could not accept life without her.

She was meant to be his. The Force knew it and wanted it, even brought them together at that vulnerable moment when neither could hide from the lust they shared for each other. Rey would be in his arms, in his bed and by his side for the rest of their lives. He refused to accept anything less.

So Kylo started to plan his next steps. First, he needed to kiss her on the lips. He’d never done it before, but it couldn’t be too difficult. He closed his eyes and practiced gently kissing the back of his hand, imaging it was her lips. He groaned at the sensation of his tongue peeking out to lick his knuckle.

Confident that he could manage that part, Kylo thought his next step would be to prepare an apology. If he could plan out the words in advance then he wouldn’t fuck it all up like he did on the Supremecy. After that, he had some reading to do, as he had no actual sexual experience.

He wanted to make it perfect for her, as painless as possible given the circumstances, considering the size of his cock and that Rey was a virgin (he’d seen no history of intimate contacts in her mind when he dove in at Starkiller, just a vast loneliness, much like his own). Yes, he needed to plan and do research. He would not fail her again.


	5. Chapter 5

Rey woke up late the next morning, feeling pleasantly sated and sleepy until the memory of what happened burst through her consciousness. Holy Maker, what had she done?! It was the most erotic experience of her life, and made her come harder than she thought possible. But it was with Ben, their enemy, the new Supreme Leader of an evil organization seeking to control the galaxy.

She was supposed to hate him, to eventually fight and possibly kill him. If the rest of the Resistance had any clue she’d just gotten herself off watching the new Supreme Leader Kylo Ren work his cock they’d surely send her away.

The shame that came over her made Rey want to run far away so she wouldn’t have to face any of them. If she ran, Rey had no doubt that Ben would find her. The fact that the idea sparked arousal rather than fear made her feel like even more of a traitor. The horror of Leia finding out along with the rest of the Resistance made it exponentially worse.

As the day wore on, Rey became increasingly irritable. Rey wanted to run in the fresh air and scream at the sky. She was angry at Ben, angry at herself, and even angry at the Force for putting her through this. Stuck indoors due to the incessant rain, Rey went through fighting forms with a long branch she’d found when they first arrived at this forest planet. With her light saber torn in two, it was her only way to work off the aggression Ben excelled in stirring up inside her.

Living on Jakku, Rey had to teach herself to fight if she wanted to protect her finds from the ship dunes, the measly packs of portions she lived on and even her body from men who thought they could take it as they pleased. The attention grew worse as she got older, making practicing moves with the long staff she carried a daily necessity.

Swinging her make-shift weapon in the air, Rey used a mix of her practiced motions from fighting on Jakku with the more complicated twists and turns that had come naturally to her since she first fought Ben on Starkiller Base.

She liked the privacy of working up a sweat in her small room in the hidden Resistance base. There were so few left in the group, they all had rooms to themselves. It was the most depressing reason to have the luxury of her own room that Rey could imagine.

And it was Ben’s fault. All of it. He could have called off the attack on Crait. She would even have stayed with him, First Order and all, if he did that. After the last of the Praetorian Guards fell to the floor, Rey fully expected Ben to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless. But no, Ben chose power and the First Order. Then he personally went to Crait to take part in the attack.

Nearly finished, Rey tensed at the feel of their Bond opening up, shutting off all sound except for her ragged breathing. Of course he would show up now, when Rey was covered in sweat from her rage fueled exercise, desperately in need of a shower. She moved into the next fighting form as if she didn’t feel him standing behind her. He cleared his throat, making her finally pause and turn around.

Rey was absolutely livid. How dare their stupid Bond do this to her now? It felt like the Force was toying with them for laughs. Looking into his face, she found her fury starkly opposed by the smug expression on his face.

Wearing only an undershirt with his pants, both black, of course, his muscular arms were completely exposed. He held a wood training sabre in one hand, a gleam of sweat on his arms and forehead, clumping strands of his hair together. He looked like a warrior on the battlefield - a sexy battlefield.

“Do you even own any clothing that is not black?”

“You think I wear too much black?”

“I wasn’t saying that. It’s just, never mind.”

He pulled his black shirt up over his head and tossed it on the floor. “Better?”

She sputtered, once again blown away by his ridiculously attractive body. He beamed, his face lighting up, obviously well aware of her discomfort.

She didn’t answer as he walked closer, then circled around her, just a half step away, so close she could feel the heat of his body, smell that masculine scent she had reveled in the night before. Rey’s body jolted when Ben swept a finger on her neck, sliding it along the sweat she was covered in. He came full circle, standing in front of her, so close she had to look up at him, reminded again of how tall and broad shouldered he was.

A corner of his stupid, pouty mouth lifted into a smirk. “Is this all for me?” His voice deep and intimate, nearly a whisper, just like she imagined it would sound if he asked her the same question, but about an entirely different sort of wetness.

His eyes darkened with a mischievous glimmer telling her he knew exactly what his question reminded her of. Ben had a confidence about him today that she’d never seen in him before. It was seductive really, but it pissed her off because she knew exactly what caused it. Would she ever live last night down?!

He brought the finger to his lips, the tip of his tongue reaching out to slowly lick her sweat, then sliding it into his mouth, making an exaggerated humming sound like he was enjoying a piece of candy. He sucked on the finger before letting it go, making the action down right lewd. The whole time his eyes pierced her with a knowing gaze, daring her to remember the moment he came sucking her juices off her fingers.

A needy whimper left her throat, prompting a wave of humiliation through her body. Ben chuckled lowly, sweeping his eyes appreciatively down her body then back up, pausing briefly at her chest before focusing on her lips for so long she was certain he was about to kiss her.

Rey’s eyes drifted shut, anticipating his kiss, waiting and waiting, but nothing happened. She opened her eyes to find him grinning at her.

“Arrrgh! You are so . . .”

He silenced her with his lips. His hands quickly framed her face, holding her still for his tongue to part her lips and sweep inside. It retreated then returned to swirl and circle her tongue, the sensation new to Rey who had only kissed a boy once before, a brief press of lips that made her think kissing was a boring thing. Now, kissing Ben, she knew better. Kissing was the best thing in the entire galaxy.

They spent the next several minutes simply standing there, kissing each other. When the Bond severed, Rey lay down on her bed a few steps away, lightheaded and smiling like a fool.


	6. Chapter 6

The next time the Bond opened, just a few days later, they were both in bed again. Rey had been trying to sleep for nearly half an hour, but sleep continued to elude her. 

Ben was asleep though. He looked so vulnerable in sleep, younger and untroubled by darkness. She watched him for a few minutes, feeling like a creep but unable to look away.

It didn’t take him long to wake after she trailed her hand along his arm. He grunted, confusion turning to excitement.

“Rey,” he groaned, then he was reaching for her, his lips on hers before she could say a word. While they’d kissed before, it was somehow different laying in bed. As their mouths kissed, their hands were everywhere, exploring each other’s bodies.

It escalated quickly. Ben’s hands went to her hips and slid her panties down her legs. He helped her kick them off before diving back in to kiss her.

He pulled away, propping himself on his elbow and slowly trailing a line with his other hand down her neck, between her breasts and over her stomach. His hand paused, hovering a couple inches over her core, killing her with anticipation.

“I want to make you feel good. Show me how you touch yourself when you want to make yourself come, Rey.”

She squirmed, embarrassed but turned on by the way he looked at her, the feral gleam in his eyes, like a predator waiting to pounce. It shouldn’t be so arousing for him to order her around like that. But kriff, she could feel herself getting wetter just from his deep voice that always cut through her defenses.

He’d watched her touch herself the other night, but the precise position and movement of her fingers were concealed by her pants. Now there were no barriers, making it more intimate. She felt so exposed, so vulnerable, but Rey started to put pressure on her clit with two fingers, moving them in little circles.

“Good girl,” he muttered to himself, almost too quietly for her to hear. Yet she did, and it made her feel strangely proud of herself. Rey bit her lip, trying to hide a smile.

Ben studied her movements carefully then gently pulled her hand away to replace it with his own, perfectly mimicking how her fingers rubbed her sensitive nub. She moaned at the sensation, surprised by how much better it felt with his larger hand having control of the process.

“Do you like this?” he asked with his deep voice.

Rey nodded enthusiastically.

Ben slid his fingers lower, making her whimper at the loss of pressure to her clit.

“Ssshhh. I’ve got you.” He gathered the moisture from near her entrance then returned to the circles on her clit, the new sensation heightening the pleasure even more.

“No one’s touched me there before.” Rey bit her lip, needy whimpers escaping her throat. “Maker! Don’t you dare stop! I’m going to . . .” Her eyes closed as Rey felt herself drifting closer to the edge.

“Look at me,” he told her, voice demanding and rough. “Keep your eyes on me when I make I you come.” His words and the intensity in his eyes pushed her over the edge into a bliss of blazing white heat.

As she calmed, catching her breath, Rey couldn’t help but laugh at herself. “Wow,” was all she could manage to say. She’d never had an orgasm so quickly before!

Ben pulled away with a proud smile, sitting up on the mattress. He paused before clearing his throat. “I’ve . . . I’ve never been with anyone like this either,” he confessed, eyes focused on a fascinating bit of floor a few feet from the bed.

This statement shocked her. Ben was at least a few years older than she was. And there must have been loads women in the First Order throwing themselves at him. How could there not be?

“That’s impossible. I mean, look at you!” Rey made a sweeping gesture with her hand to reference both his body and face. “You’re gorgeous.”

Ben’s eyebrows shot up like she’d said something surprising. How could he not be aware that he was ridiculously stunning, with his height and perfect, muscular body, paired with the most interesting and handsome face she’d ever seen?

He scowled, shoulders tensing, “You don’t have to pretend you think I’m gorgeous, Rey.”

“I’m not pretending, Ben.”

Kylo could feel her honesty through the Force. “Oh.”

“So, why haven’t you been with anyone? There are women in the First Order, surely they threw themselves at you.”

“No. Most people in the First Order have only seen me in my mask, but before I became Kylo Ren, I don’t think anyone found me especially attractive. They teased me mercilessly as a kid for my ears and nose. I’m actually pretty stunned that you like the way I look.”

Ben paused, looking down sheepishly for a moment before meeting her eyes again. She loved the way his ears turned pink to match the blush on his cheeks. “I know the scar is hideous. It’ll look better as it heals, but . . .”

“Ben, stop. If anything, the scar makes you look hotter.”

“Hotter? You’re joking.” He narrowed his eyes, not appreciating her teasing.

“No, I mean it! It’ll sound stupid but . . . it makes me feel like . . . like I marked you, like you’re mine. Not intentionally, of course, at the time, but, yeah.” She shrugged, too shy to make eye contact while admitting her weirdness.

Ben laughed, shaking his head in wonder. “I guess I’m just lucky you have such strange tastes. You’re ridiculously beautiful, by the way.”

She felt her own cheeks heat in a blush at hearing that. Rey had always thought she was rather plain and average looking.

“You are exquisite, Rey, a priceless gem that was hidden in the sands of Jakku.”

It was such a cheesy compliment, but it warmed her all over. In that moment, Rey was suddenly certain of what she wanted.

She reached down to whip his shirt over his head then scrambled to unfasten his pants. “I’m ready. I want you inside me.”

He nodded eagerly, his shaking hands taking over to make quick work of removing his pants and undergarment, revealing his cock, huge, hard and ready to claim her.

Rey reared back on the bed, propped up on her elbows, a nervous gulp squeezing her throat. “Maker, that’s bigger than those are supposed to be, isn’t it?! I mean, there’s no way that will fit inside me.”

Ben smirked. “It’s supposed to be like this, Rey. I mean,” he shrugged, “mine is bigger than most, but it’s not weird or anything. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

She crinkled her eyebrows, looking up at him skeptically. “Are you sure about that?”

He fought back a laugh. “Yes, I am sure. Don’t worry, sweetheart. I can make it fit. I promise I’ll be gentle and take you slowly. From what I’ve read, it will probably hurt a bit in the beginning, especially our first time, but your body will stretch so it can take me. I just need to make you sufficiently wet first.”

Rey remained unconvinced.

He cleared his throat, adding, “You also might feel something tearing and bleed a little the first time, but that’s normal. So don’t be afraid if that happens.” The words tumbled out of his mouth so fast she almost didn’t catch it.

Wait, what? “Something tearing?!”

He nods, his face apologetic, “but only the very first time, to break through a sort of wall inside you.”

“There’s a kriffin’ WALL inside me you need to break?!”

Rey didn’t know much about sex beyond a few snippets of conversation she overheard at the trading post and a couple graphic threats men had made before she knocked them out with her staff, but surely she would have heard about a wall before, right?

“Just a really thin fragile barrier. That part will be over quickly. But the stretching is the thing that could really hurt, I think, if I don’t get you wet enough.”

Rey huffed. “I’m serious, Ben. I want to be with you, but I don’t think this is going to work.” Rey frowned, shaking her head. That thing was huge. How could it ever fit? She’d tried putting her finger inside her before out of curiosity, and just one finger had felt snug. Looking at what he had between his legs, Rey knew it was hopeless.

“Women give birth to babies, Rey. Your bodies are made to be able to stretch there. The Force designed us to fit together. It will feel good by the time we finish. I promise.”

“Kriff, alright. We can try to fit your giant cock inside me, I guess. But you have to stop if I tell you to.”

He jerked back, the hurt clear on his face. “Of course I’d stop. How can you even think I wouldn’t?! I would never hurt you, Rey. I love . . . I mean, I . . .”

“I love you too,” she blurted before he could take it back.

Ben's eyes widened comically. "You do?"

She nodded solemnly. “I do.”

He gulped. Taking in a deep breath before confessing in a rush, “Rey . . . I love you so much it scares me sometimes. You have no idea how much I’ve fantasized about kidnapping you again.”

She burst into a fit of giggles at the serious tone in his voice. “You actually fantasized about that?”

“I fantasized about you in pretty much every way conceivable, many, many times, every single day since I found you in that forest on Takodana, but the kidnapping one was particularly tempting . . . and frequent. I had ones about you accepting my offer to teach you about the force, but kidnapping seemed more . . . realistic.” He shrugged. “I know that’s a little fucked up. I’m sorry. Please don’t be afraid.”

“I’m not afraid. I fantasized about you too.”

He grinned. “I know.”

“What? How?”

“You said my name when I caught you with your hand down your pants, before you realized I was there.”

She shoved him away playfully.

“What do you fantasize about, Rey? You have to tell me one at least, since I told you about mine.”

A dozen places she had imagined having sex with him flashed through her mind before she settled on one she knew he’d like. “Well, there’s one about the time you had me strapped into that interrogation thing.”

Ben perked up, his adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “What happens?”

“Well, after you look in my mind, you decide to . . . start undressing me. And it kind of follows from there, with you touching me and forcing me to come until I beg you to have sex with me.”

“Fuck, Rey, I’ve had that exact fantasy.” Ben captured her lips, his body covering hers with an oddly comforting weight.

He pulled back, looking a bit nervous. “There is something I can try that is supposed to help get your body ready, so that I can, um, fit easier.”

“Other than touch me down there? You’ve already made me super wet, Ben.”

He nodded, “Just lie back and spread your legs open wider.” He scooted down the bed, looking up at her from her feet.

“Like that?” she complied, more embarrassment making her skin flush.

He looked at her center with a focus that unnerved her. “A bit wider.”

Rey rolled her eyes, widening a couple inches more, feeling ridiculous spread open like that. “Um, ok. Now what?”

“Close your eyes.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. Just do it. And try to relax.”

“You try to relax,” Rey grumbled. How was she supposed to relax at a time like this?! Rey waited, feeling uncomfortably exposed with her legs like this without being able to see what he was doing.

Then Rey felt something soft and wet slowly slide along her core. Was that his tongue? Holy. . . “Ben!” her eyes found his, looking up at her from between her legs.

“Did that feel good?” he asked, his voice adorably uncertain.

“Yes!!! Do it again!” How was it possible for something to feel this good?! It didn’t just feel good, it felt transcendent. He nodded before diving back in, encouraged by her whimper. His first licks were hesitant, but grew bolder as her she got louder.

Ben groaned against her flesh, one arm moving above his head to drape heavy over her stomach and across her hips, holding her down when she nearly jolted off the bed the moment he closed his lips around her sensitive nub.

The sounds she made were shameless. Rey couldn’t stop from moaning lewdly, whimpering on every panting breath and even squealing at one point.

He pulled back to give her a huge grin. “You taste so good, Rey. You’re perfect.” She didn’t know how to react to that, but he quickly returned to his task and drove it from her mind.

Rey had no idea if this was a normal sexual activity or if it was perverse and taboo. She knew about women putting their mouth on men’s cocks, but not that it could happen in reverse! It felt so impossibly good though. She didn’t care if it was only something done with prostitutes and criminals, forbidden and scandalous. If Ben was willing to do it, Rey had no plans of stopping him, ever.

With his years of dedicated training in battle and with the Force, Rey couldn’t be too surprised by Ben’s meticulous approach to using his mouth to pleasure her. He tested out her reactions to every movement of his lips and tongue, the speed, the direction, the pressure used. Ben was a devoted student to it all.

As the minutes passed by in a blur of ecstasy Ben quickly became an expert at making her keen in pleasure. It finally built into an orgasm that had her crying out, legs twitching, toes curled as the pleasure wracked through her body.

After her muscles started to relax and her pleasure eased to a dull hum, Rey tried to push his head away from her, overwhelmed and overly sensitive, but he just growled and pressed her harder into the mattress with a bruising pressure on her hips. The dominance in that action sent a burst of arousal through her with a rush of moisture between her legs, making Ben moan and lap greedily at her opening, thrusting his tongue inside her, drinking her arousal in like a dying man in the desserts of Jakku.

“I can’t, Ben, I can’t, please,” she begged weakly in between moans, her hips wriggling and testing his firm grip, her small hands pushing hard against the arm holding her down. Part of her wanted him to stop, but most of her thrilled at the idea that he wouldn’t. A grunt from below made her wonder if he heard that thought through their bond.

Ben was relentless in his sensual assault, using his lips and tongue with enthusiasm, going from playful to possessive, soft caresses to almost painful suckling. From the way he groaned and whimpered, it sounded like he’d never enjoyed anything more in his entire life.

His mouth occupied in teasing her nub, Ben slid a long finger down, finding her opening and pushing its way inside. Rey squeaked in surprise. Her wetness created embarrassing sounds as his finger pushed in and out of her. The finger added something to what he was doing down there that took the experience to a new level. The rhythmic entry and exit mimicking sex made her think about his cock and wondering what it would feel like to have something bigger in the finger’s place.

When he added a second finger it stung a bit but it soon faded as his fingers found a spot inside her that made her yelp. He proceeded to thrust his fingers at an angle to hit that spot each time. Ben didn’t stop his blissful torture until he’d wrung another blinding orgasm from her trembling body. This one seemed to last for hours.

With his arm firmly holding her down, Rey couldn’t move. All she could do was lie there and take every last swipe of his tongue and thrust of his fingers that he wanted to give her. She’d cry out telling him to stop, then beg him to keep going a moment later. She mostly just called out his name as the pleasure was forced through her.

Catching her breath, coming down from her third orgasm, Rey spat out, firmly, “Ok, Ben, really, that’s enough,” actually meaning it this time.

He nodded, finally appearing to listen to her. “Alright, just give me one more and I’ll let you go.”

“What?! Ben, seriously . . .”

“Please, Rey?” He looked up at her with such hope, like a child begging for food. “Just give me one more. You’re being so good for me, so wet and perfect. Please be a good girl and come on my tongue one more time. I know you can do it.”

She nodded with a whimper as he dove back in, determined to pull one more orgasm from her with his wickedly talented mouth.

It made him so happy, when she trembled and squealed under him. Rey wanted to make him happy, to give him everything that he wanted, especially when he called her a good girl. She didn’t understand why it had that effect, but every word of praise that came from his lips lit a strange fire inside her.

Was it because of her life on Jakku? She spent most of it alone, with no parents around to ask her to be good or to praise her for anything. Rey had no idea she needed to hear those words so badly, but now that she did, Rey wanted to hear more.

“I’ll be such a good girl for you, Ben.” Rey clasped her hand over her mouth, embarrassed by the needy voice that came out of her. Then Ben growled, “such a good girl” and tightened his grip, and Rey realized he enjoyed saying the words as much as she enjoyed hearing them.

His tongue thrust inside her and his fingers found her clit, rubbing it so gently as she keened in pain tinged pleasure. It felt so good, but she didn’t think she could stand one more second of it. When her orgasm finally crashed over her, Rey could swear she saw stars.

She was dimly aware of Ben as he slurped from her entrance. He moaned obscenely against her cunt, licking her all over as the tremors slowly subsided.

When he finally pulled away, out of breath, his face covered in her juices, Ben gave her a worshipful gaze, as if she had been the one to give him something miraculous and not the other way around.

Wiping his face with the bed sheet, he paused, eyes closed, to smell the scrunched up sheet in his hand, his body trembling, teeth biting his bottom lip. When his eyes opened, they were pitch black and focused on her in a way that made her feel like prey.

  


 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

 

He looked like he did last night, feral, a wild animal overcome by instincts as old as time itself. It sent her pulse racing and almost scared her, but in a way that only added to her excitement. If she was his prey, Rey wanted to be caught.

Ben crawled up her body, eyes pinning her in place. Rey was a panting mess, overwhelmed by how much she wanted him inside her.

“Will you be a good girl and let me fuck you now?” he asked in that deep, velvety voice that made her tingle. Then he seemed to regret his choice of words. Insecurity flashing on his face, “I mean, may I . . .”

“Yes! Please Ben, I’ll be good. I’ll be so good for you. Please!”

He grinned. “Oh Rey, my sweet girl, my perfect girl, being so good for me.” Ben took his cock in one hand and guided it to her entrance. He made an adorable choking sound as he started to push inside.

Pain flared, reigniting Rey’s fear that it would be too big to fit.

“Fuck, Rey! Feels . . .  so . . . good!” Ben trembled as he slowly pushed deeper, inch by inch, clearly determined to take her gently and start slow like he’d promised.

Rey felt like he was splitting her apart. The contrast was infuriating, her pain versus the look of absolute ecstasy on his stupidly beautiful face. She started to panic. It was too big! Something must be wrong.

“You’re doing so good, Rey, taking my big cock.” He cooed in her ear, sinking in further, his tone relaxing the fear that nearly had her push him away. “You’re so tight, fuck! So tight and warm.”

She felt a sharp burst of pain that made her yelp and Ben freeze. “I think that was your wall,” he told her, awe in his voice.

She nodded, “I’m ok, keep going.” Rey bit her lip and tightened her grip on his shoulders as he pushed in further, deeper than she knew existed. “Are you almost all the way in?” she squeaked out.

“A bit more than halfway in,” he answered, gritting his teeth.

“What?!”

“Sshh, sweetheart, we’re almost there.” His words had a calming effect, easing her fears, reminding her why she was doing this in the first place. “You’re being such a good girl for me.”

Rey nodded, needing him to know she wanted to be good for him. With a final thrust that buried the last inches inside her, Ben stilled, wide eyes meeting her own.

Settled deep inside, Ben gazed at her with what looked like awe and adoration, trembling as he held himself still. Rey was overwhelmed by the intimacy of it, feeling more connected to him than ever, like they had become complete in each other.

He held his weight on his left forearm while he caressed her cheek with his right hand. “You’re so beautiful, Rey. So perfect. Being so good for me, taking my whole cock inside you. It’s like you were made for me.”

“I feel so. . .”

“Does it hurt really bad?” Ben asked, voice strained. “It will get better soon. I promise.”

“No, I mean, it hurts but I feel so close to you right now, not just our bodies.” She felt a tear stream down her face.

“I feel it too.” His lips descended on hers, the kiss unhurried and sensual, distracting her from the pain as it ebbed, her body adjusting to his intrusion as best it could.

Ready to see what the next part was like, Rey pulled away from his lips with a smile. “You can try moving now.”

“Are you sure?” He was so sweet and adorable!

“Yes.”

At first, Rey simply enjoyed watching the hunger and pleasure on his expressive face and all those little sexy sounds he was making as he moved inside her. She could take the pain if it allowed her to see him like that. It made her feel oddly proud and powerful that she could draw out those moans and whimpers from him.

“You’re taking my cock so good, sweetheart.”

The slow, careful thrusts he was making started to feel good. The slight pain remained but it faded from her attention with the pleasure building inside her. “So tight and perfect, Rey.”

She reached up to slide some of his sweat-slicked hair to the side, not wanting any obstructions to her view of his face as he moved above her.

“Such a good girl,” he gritted out short bursts of words with each thrust. “Taking my whole cock . . . being so . . . wet for me . . . letting me fuck you . . . when you’re so . . . fucking . . . tight.”

She needed more. “Faster.” He eagerly complied, speeding his thrusts, drawing appreciative moans from Rey’s lips. Ben drew her right leg up higher, holding it up to his waist. Rey responded by lifting her other leg and wrapping both around him. Ben groaned. “That’s my good girl.”

The change in angle sent delicious sparks with each thrust, her moans and whimpers now matching his in exuberance.

“My sweet scavenger good girl. All mine.”

“Yes, all for you!”

Her sounds of enjoyment led him to deliver each push inside with increasing force, making the springs of her cot squeak along with the audible slap of flesh meeting each time he bottomed-out inside her.

Ben looked almost feral above her, nostrils flaring, face flushed, his muscular arms tensed, holding his weight. She had to push against him with her hips at each thrust to keep him from fucking her off the bed entirely. “Just like that, Rey. So good.”

The room filled with sounds of their hips slamming together, their erratic breathing and all Ben’s sexy grunts and whimpers. It still faintly hurt, but it also felt so amazingly good that Rey didn’t care one bit. It was worth it. And she loved the way he kept saying she was a “good girl” and that she felt “so good.”

“I can’t . . . I’m going to . . .” Panic in his eyes, Ben slipped a hand between, frantically rubbing her clit. “I need you to be a good girl and come for me right now, sweetheart.”

It took barely a moment for her body to obey, pleasure washing over her. She could feel herself clenching tighter around his cock, then releasing and clenching again. He groaned loudly at the sensation, his thrusts slowing, losing their rhythm until he finally pushed himself as deep as he could and cried out in an orgasm of his own. “REY!!!!”

She felt his cock throb and pulse inside her, the sensation sending more waves of pleasure through her.

After their bodies stopped trembling with aftershocks, Ben collapsed on top of her, his weight nearly crushing her yet strangely comforting. “Oh, sorry,” he mumbled. He hissed as he pulled his softening cock out. Rey whimpered in answer, feeling oddly empty without him inside her.

Ben rolled off her to rest on his side facing her, a leg draped possessively over hers and a hand lightly playing with her hair, then trailing down her sweaty skin, along the curve of her neck, down her arms, everywhere he could reach.

Then his eyes focused on the thick liquid dripping down her thigh, a scowl crossing his face. She worried for a moment that he regretted what they’d done until he reached down, swiped up every bit of it and pushed it back inside her. She yelped, surprised. “What are you . . .”

“This belongs inside you,” he stated forcefully, scowling like he was angry his seed dared leave her body.

“Does that mean you’re trying to get me pregnant?” she tried to joke.

He sucked in a surprised breath, finally meeting her eyes. His eyes were dark, that scary intense version of him flaring up and seriously turning her on. He looked back down, now focused on her stomach as he placed a hand gently at the center. Rey could feel him imagining it growing full with his baby.

“No.” His eyes flick back to hers, his expression softer, hopeful, and perhaps even pleading. “But . . . I want to, someday, if you’ll let me.”

She gulped, warmth spreading through her. “You want me to . . . to carry your child?” Her voice shook, uncertain even now that he really meant it. How could someone want her in that way?

Ben nodded, the look of passionate intensity on his face was a like a balm, soothing away that little voice of doubt that made her question his feelings. “Rey, listen to me. I want you to be mine. Always. Forever. In every way.”

“Like, being a couple, getting married, having children and growing old together?”

“Yes, to all of it. I want everything you are willing to give me. And I want to give you everything you need.”

Rey grinned, joy flooding her until reality barged back in. “But Ben, what about the Resistance and the First Order? We’re on opposite sides in a war!”

He nodded gravely. “I know.”

“What are we going to do? Will you leave them and join the Resistance with me? Please?”

“I can’t join the Resistance, Rey. If I showed up at your base they would execute me on the spot.”

“What?! No, they wouldn’t. I wouldn’t let them, and neither would your mother.”

Ben brushed strands of sweat damp hair from her forehead, his amber eyes studying her. “Aside from you, and possibly her, every single person there will want me dead. At the very least I will be a prisoner, though they’d probably try to poison me within the first few days. I could never be an active member there.”

Rey let out a distraught sigh, “Oh.” She never really thought it through before.

“I know you don’t want to join the First Order, Rey. So really, there’s only one way we can be together. You need to run away with me. We’ll leave the war and the pain of our pasts behind. It’ll be just the two of us.”

“But my friends will still be in danger.”

Ben’s dug his hands into his hair, his jaw clenched tight. “That is their choice to make. Not yours.”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, not happy with his tone.

“What if you tell them all the First Order’s secrets so the rebellion has a shot? Then, when the war is over, we can work with Leia to have them pardon you.”

Ben shook his head. “The First Order is too strong, Rey. It’s not a fight the Resistance can reasonably win. It’s not just one big ship that can be blown up like they did with the Death Star. The First Order is spread throughout the galaxy, with ships and bases in every sector. We have over three million Stormtroopers, Rey. How many fighters does the Resistance have left? Less than fifty?”

“Huh.” Rey drooped, letting his words sink in. If the Rebellion couldn’t beat the First Order, if it really was hopeless, then it might be time to rethink their strategy. “What if . . . you changed it, the First Order, made it something not . . . evil?”

At first, Ben looked at her like she’d said something ludicrous, then his expression turned contemplative. “The war machine Snoke and Hux built . . . I couldn’t just snap my fingers and go against everything they’ve ever known or believed in. I’d be assassinated. Hux is probably already planning on doing that.”

There was no easy answer, no obvious path for them to take. Part of Rey wanted to follow Ben’s plan and just run away from it all. It was a seductive thought, escaping into their own little world. Then Rey thought of the smiling faces of her friends during mealtime at the base. Rey thought of Finn, how brave he was to escape the First Order and how hard they’d hugged when he’d come to rescue her on Starkiller. Rey thought of Leia, how she’d carried the weight of the galaxy’s hope for all her life and never stopped fighting.

“I don’t think I can just run off, Ben.”

“Then what do you want me to do, Rey? If I come to you they’ll have me in chains if they don’t just shoot me dead the minute I show up. Trying to transform the First Order will be dangerous once the generals get a sense of my plans. Mutiny and assassination are far more likely than successful reform, Rey. I’d have better odds surviving the wrath of your Resistance friends.”

“Could we . . . ask Leia for help?” Rey nearly winced as she said it, knowing it wouldn’t be easy for Ben to hear. “She has a lot of experience in politics. Maybe she could help us plan something?”

Ben’s body stiffened. “I can’t . . . she wouldn’t want to talk to me. Especially after . . . Han.”

“She still loves you, Ben. And she feels heartbroken at failing you. I know it will be difficult for you to face her, but I think we need her. Will you try? Please?”

He glowered at her for a minute before grumbling, “Fine. Talk to Leia. See if she has useful advice for us. In the meantime, I’ll go into First Order records, analyze the behavior of senior officers, try to identify the biggest threats, then we can . . .” Ben’s mouth stretched open in a loud yawn he couldn’t hold back.

When he finished, Rey bit her lip before bursting into a fit of giggles. She wasn’t sure why exactly, but seeing the new Supreme Leader’s plotting interrupted by a giant yawn was the most adorable thing ever! Ben rolled his eyes, smirked, but finally lost the battle, laughing along with Rey. They laughed until Rey’s abs hurt and Ben had tears in the corners of his eyes. Rey had never seen Ben look so happy.


	8. Chapter 8

Rey was ecstatic. After hiding her misery for so long, it felt odd needing to hide her happiness. She’d spent the afternoon working on repairing one of their ships, the glow of what they’d done that morning keeping her warm. She let her mind drift into daydreams of her future with Ben.

They would travel to different planets, exploring the galaxy with each other. Rey imagined walking hand in hand with Ben on a green filled planet, her belly rounded with their child. After a life spent starving and lonely in the sands of Jakku, Rey was going to have a family. She’d never be alone again.

She would talk to Leia after the group meeting tonight. Rey was excited to see the joy on Leia’s face when she told her that her son wanted Leia’s guidance. It wouldn’t be easy to transform the First Order, but with Leia’s help surely it was possible.

“What’s gotten in to you?” Finn asked after plopping into the seat next to her.

“What do mean?”

“You just seem so . . . happy.”

“Oh, well, yeah, I guess I’m in a good mood.”

“What happened?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“You finally hooked up with Poe!”

“What?! No!”

“Then who? Was it Daniels? Or Fenez?”

“No! No one . . . nothing I’m comfortable talking about now.”

The friendly chatter of those present fell away when Poe called for everyone’s attention, alerting Rey to the fact that Leia was not present, sending a shiver of concern up her spine. Leia never missed the meetings. Was she ill?

With uncharacteristic gravity, Poe tried to get the meeting started despite the hushed conversations still taking place. It wasn’t until he cleared his throat and declared he had important news to deliver that the group fell silent.

“We’ve just learned that Kylo Ren was executed for treason this morning. General Hux has assumed command of the First Order.”

Time stopped for Rey as comprehension hit her.

No.

She swayed in her seat, lightheaded, pulse thundering in her ears.

No.

That couldn’t be true. They’d made love just hours ago.

No.

Ben couldn’t be dead. It wasn’t possible.

No.

Rey forced herself to take deep breaths, in and out.

No.

He was alive. He was waiting for them to figure out a plan to take over the First Order.

No.

She would have felt it in the Force. Her stupid daydreams wouldn’t have distracted her to the point of not noticing his death.

No.

The Force created them for each other. They had a destiny.

No.

Ben loved her. She wasn’t alone, would never be alone again.

No.

Rey tried to stay seated and still as Poe droned on about how this may affect the war, but when her eyes grew blurry with tears she couldn’t hide, Rey gave in to her instinct to flee.

Stumbling from the room, Rey ignored Finn calling out her name in concern. She tripped on a supply bag near the door before her legs steadied enough to run down the corridor and through the storage rooms to reach the nearest exit.

Rey burst out the door into the pouring rain, running as hard as she could into the forest. She was unstoppable, weaving through the trees, oblivious to the branches scraping bloody trails on her face and arms. She leapt over a fallen log and hurt her ankle with a hard landing, but the pain didn’t matter. All Rey could focus on was the instinct to put as much distance between her and everyone else as possible.

Once deep enough in the forest to feel safe from the prying eyes and ears of her friends and comrades, Rey let her tears fall unrestricted as loud sobs contorted her heavy breathing, her heartbreak echoing like bird calls through the trees.

When her throat was scratched raw and she couldn’t manage to draw in enough air to run any farther, Rey fell to her knees in the mud and let herself shatter.

No.

Please . . .

No.

Rey went from screaming at the sky, shouting curses at The Force itself for giving her Ben only to break her by taking him away forever, to begging through her tears, pleading with The Force for it not to be true.

Hours passed by in an endless blur of agony and denial. Rey was still lost in her despair as the sun slipped past the horizon and night fell around her. Hugging her knees, she rocked back and forth, trying to keep warm. Rey shivered uncontrollably as the temperature dropped, her breath visible even through the rain that had long since soaked her through.

Rey knew she couldn’t stay out there forever. She’d freeze to death before morning. Even so, Rey couldn’t make herself move. She didn’t know how to face the walk back to the base. She couldn’t bear to return to her room where they’d made love that morning, not knowing it would be their last minutes together.

Standing up and walking back meant that her life without Ben started. Each step would carry her further towards her future as a hollow husk of the person she’d been that morning. Nothing would ever make her whole again. She would never laugh or care or hope for anything at all. Nothing would matter ever again.

Rey was tempted to leave the planet and go after Hux alone, knowing she wouldn’t survive the attempt. She could follow Ben into the oblivion of death and this ache in her chest currently carving up her soul would be gone. That wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?

The Resistance wanted Rey to be their beacon of hope, but how could she bear that weight when the loss of Ben made it hard to even breathe? They were probably searching for her now, confused and worried after she ran from them like a hunted animal.

Did Leia know she had run off? She was probably too deep in her own sorrow to worry about Rey. Unlike the rest of the Resistance, Leia would know exactly what made Rey run into the woods.

When the steady smattering of rain stopped making a sound, it took Rey barely an instant to surge with desperate hope. She spun around, scanning the shadows in the trees, eyes frantic to find him. “Ben?! Ben, where are you?! Ben!”

Her eyes settled on the body sprawled face down twenty feet away. After scrambling to her feet and sliding gracelessly through the mud, Rey flung herself to the ground beside him. When she rolled Ben’s unconscious body onto his back, Rey was too overjoyed at finding him to notice how his clothes were soaked in blood.

“Ben! Wake up, please! I need you to wake up for me, sweetheart.” Finally noticing the blood, Rey tore through the fabric on his, panicked fingers seeking out a wound.

He moaned when she poked a spot by his hip, his eyelids opening then squinting up at her as she hovered about him. “Rey? What are doing here?”

Rey grabbed his face and kissed him again and again.

“You’re hurt, Ben. What happened? They said you were dead! That they executed you for treason.”

He huffed, letting out a humorless laugh, “So the bastard really did it. Must have had them fire on my ship. I thought I had more time before he made his move.”

“Your ship went down? Where?”

“Netollus 4, in the Meridian Sector. My Silencer, it’s wrecked. Half of it blown right off.” He tried to stand only to discover with a pained yelp that his left leg was broken. “Fuck, this is going to slow me down.”

“Lie down, you idiot!”

“I’ll see if I can find a town somewhere close by. I have to get away from the wreck before they get here. Hux will want my head as a trophy.”

“But your leg is broken! Do you even know which direction to start crawling in?”

“No, but I’ll find something eventually . . . hopefully.”

“I’m coming to get you.”

“No! Rey, it’s too dangerous.”

“You’ve lost so much blood, Ben. I can’t leave you there. If I run to the Falcon, with a hyper jump to the system, I’ll be there in . . .” Rey tried to remember how long she’d run through the forest before collapsing. “Maybe twenty minutes.”

Rey squatted behind him to wrap her arms under his so she could start pulling him away from the crash.

Ben grumbled, trying to squirm out of her arms. “You don’t have to drag me. I can crawl just fine. My leg’s only broken below the knee.”

“Shut up! And stop squirming!” Ben stopped fighting her when he looked over his shoulder to see the determined expression on her face. Rey refused to release him, using all her strength to drag him through the mud and into the trees.

When she managed to get him past three hundred feet, Rey looked for a denser section of the forest.

“Wait. . . are there trees where you are?”

“Hmm? Yeah.”

Rey closed her eyes and summoned whatever power she had in the Force to let her see his actual surroundings. The trees were different here, and it was day, light streaming through the tree canopy above them.

Relieved, Rey spotted a cluster of trees with bushes around the base that could give him cover. She shoved him underneath the low branches, but it wasn’t enough. Looking around frantically, Rey spotted more bushes several yards away. Digging through the dirt until she could yank one out by the roots, Rey ran back and planted it where it could cover his legs.

“Sweetheart, this is enough.”

“If you die on me before I get there, I will fucking kill you Ben Solo. Do you hear me?”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

With a last squeeze of his hand in hers, Rey turned and bolted back toward the base. It felt wrong to leave him wounded back there, but she reminded herself that he wasn’t actually behind her. Ben was on a different planet and she was running toward him.

* * * 

As the minutes passed slowly by, Kylo focused on the pain of his wounds. Pain was his old friend. It gave him strength. It could keep him awake long enough for Rey to come and find him. 

Whenever he felt himself starting to drift, Kylo touched his bruised ribs, stoking the pain up, tending it like a fire on a dark, cold night.

He wouldn’t pretend the situation was less than dire. He was covered in his own blood, the worst of his wounds a raw gash on his right side. Kylo had to use the Force to keep himself from bleeding out. If he lost consciousness, it was over. He’d be dead in a couple minutes.

They were so close to having a happy ending. Despite everything he’d done and said, Rey loved him back. She actually wanted to share her life with him. They were going to get married and have a family. She wanted all of it with him.

He should have been more careful. Downloading those files on troop deployment must have triggered an alarm. He’d failed her. Now Rey was flying into danger caused by his carelessness.

The rumble of an engine overhead brought both terror and hope. It was either Rey come to rescue him, or the First Order come to capture or kill him. 

After that, everything happened in a blur of movement and sound. He heard blaster shots, muffled shouts in the distance and the boom of an explosion. He felt the sear of heat from flames nearby. Fear for Rey had him scrambling out of the branches that camouflaged him and struggling to his knees. 

Smoke filled the air, blocking Ben’s view of anything more than a few feet in front of him. “Rey!” Ben knew he was shouting, but could barely hear himself. “Rey! Where are you? Rey!” It was too quiet.

If Rey died in that explosion, Ben would gladly join her. There was no point holding his blood in his wounded body if she was already gone.

“Ben!” her voice called out to him. 

He sobbed, sagging in relief. “I’m here, Rey.”

Finally, he saw her. Rey stepped through the smoke, running to his side and falling to her knees beside him. Her hands cupped his face while she gave him desperate kisses between ragged breaths and choking sobs. 

“I made it,” she cried, “I made it here in time.” Rey’s smile was bright even as tears streamed unchecked down her face.

“I knew you would.” Then his lips found hers and Ben was home.

 


End file.
